the theme of my life

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him
and He will make your paths straight" (3:5-6).

these are the verses of my life for a couple different reasons. when i was 17, my dad passed away from a rare disease that slowly took over the brain. it was a variant or a branch of mad cow for humans, how he contracted it is still unknown. anyway, these verses are on the back of his gravestone because my mom felt that if he could say one more thing to us kids, that would be it. another reason is because as long as i can remember, i have struggled with trusting the Lord completely at times. He has been so faithful to me so you think i would learn but i continue to struggle with it. instead i worry and doubt and second guess the situation. right now is a good example of this, i was recently deeply hurt by someone i really cared about and instead of trusting i'm trying to understand it by myself. i keep replaying everything in my head over and over trying to make sense of it all but of course it gets me nowhere. i'm trying to lean on my own understanding. so this is my prayer and my hearts desire, that i trust and not doubt. that i let go instead of dwell. Lord, help me to let go...